Grudges. They can break even the most steadfast and positive of us.
We often hold onto grudges because we believe whoever hurt us, now owes us something. Often we will never receive from them what we really need so we store it all up,permitting it to make us bitter and instead of finding ways to give that to ourselves, place a “they owe me” memo on our perception of that person.
The hardest thing for people in relationships to understand is balance. Most of us lean more towards outer-centric or towards ego-centric tendencies, where we believe we are owed rather than obligated to somebody else. Ego-centric people look towards others for gratification, to reassure their self-esteem, and to understand and prioritise their feelings and needs. Outer-centric people earn their self-worth from the value of others and often feel incomplete without outwards reassurance. They often repeat the same habit of catering to personalities who demand attention and care.
Neither group is more flawed, as they both demand things from a relationship that will leave them resentful, bitter or insecure if they do not receive it. Both groups thrive best through adapting; by learning to see a relationship outside of themselves and what they expect from it or by looking inward and deciding how they can take control of their own self-worth. Where one group earns of sense of self through self-promotion, the other does through people pleasing.
As humans we all have issues that stem from a sense of insecurity or fear, and we often forget that despite our differences we all desire reassurance and validation of ourselves. Whether that be through trying to control or domineer others to feel a sense of power, or by posting a Facebook status in hopes that someone will give us the attention we are currently needing to balance a negative emotion or reinforce a positive one, or by being a yes-man because of the fear of not being perceived as accommodating. We are all, at our centre, wonderfully fragile, social creatures, no matter how introverted or extroverted we may be. We all feel the energy and reactions of those around us and choose to either absorb or reject for what we feel we can best accommodate.
We are all, at our centre, wonderfully fragile, social creatures, no matter how introverted or extroverted we may be.
Just as with relationships, this is a practise of learning how to balance our own happiness in relation to those around us.