Loving Being You

Uniqueness isn’t considered beautiful, it’s mocked. Even when it becomes appreciated, it’s mimicked to the extent that it loses its individuality altogether.  A society of victims, of clones, of the super opinionated but the undereducated, chomping at the bit for pity and a fight. We’re either looking for one or the other. Me; I looked for the former. I didn’t realise how to handle my own shit, grow a pair and just live my life. 
We worship models and actors so much: we love an image. They may not do anything for us, but we feel a little more whole surveying and interpreting them, their identity and their art. It’s emotions, vanity, ego and desire, to feel, connect and be validated. Plus, we all want to beautiful. We all want to be desired and loved, and looks come into that. We see these good looking stars every day on our phones, on tv and on magazines that it’s hard not to start mimicking the way they dress or present themselves. We correlate beauty with acceptance. And I’m not going to lie and spout some people don’t care about what you look like speech, because people do. Always have, always will. It’s something you’ve got to accept in the dating world; your looks come into it most of the time. Men and even a lot of women are hard wired to seek out the most attractive mate. It’s just the way it is. Physical attraction is important. Losing who you are or hurting yourself in the name of it is not. And becoming someone who treats people poorly because of their appearance isn’t honesty, it’s shallowness. You can find something unattractive without being an asshole. 

We are so critical: girls will tear apart other girls for the tiniest details, then go home and cry over their own hips or stretch marks. They don’t own any flaws, they are terrified of them. But those aforementioned artists: Cobain, Lennon and Marley present the real hope. Granted, these three examples are now dead, but surely there are more celebrities like these? Idols who don’t care only about image or fancy, materialistic pageantry, but also about humanity, psychology, sociology, philosophy, welfare of others, or environmental awareness (cue Leo DiCaprio). We need more of these. Sure, it’s great to do stuff that makes you feel better about yourself. Buy that lipkit or those shoes if you feel a burst of confidence in yourself in wearing them, post a selfie if it makes you feel confident, but don’t focus on the physical beyond all else, thinking it’s all you can offer the world. Be beautiful and smart. Be confident and compassionate. Don’t become that old lady who hasn’t got anything because now her looks have faded. Don’t cheat yourself in becoming only half a person. Don’t make the same mistake as I did and think just because you’ve lost your looks that  you don’t matter anymore. 

Why aren’t doctors, fireman or scientists the rock stars? People love them, but we aren’t showering them with the same adoration, fame and money that we do celebrities. They do a lot more for us. They save our lives, advance our species, save the whole damn world. But they don’t make us feel or lust. I’m as guilty as the next person: I’m drawn constantly to the rock star types. I’m smitten. They’re intoxicating. I’m infatuated with the tortured, reckless and sensitive. They’re relatable. They’re exciting. I love people that have struggled with something in their lives as I believe it gives people character and depth. 

But have a look at Facebook profile photos. I know because my account is strewn with images of just my face or me done up in a tight dress. So many selfies. Many people would mock me but it was a brief moment of confidence for me, so who cares? I wasn’t posting photos of myself out of conceited or egotistical reasons; it made me feel good and lessened my own self-hate and self-criticism. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you feel good, go for it. Where’s the harm in that? It’s only when getting likes to feel validation and affection from peers that it’s a problem. Don’t post a selfie and feel great, then get a negative comment or no likes and immediately feel bad about yourself. You deserve so much more love from yourself than that. But therein lies the addictive curse of social media. For most of my life I believed that my looks were the most important thing to people. Scratch that. For all of my life, I’ve believed that. And the comments I’ve heard along the way about how a girl can’t be fat or she’s a joke or unattractive because people can’t see past that, reinforced that. Now, I’m in sort of a “fuck it” phase, and just do whatever makes me feel good about myself without the need for anyone’s approval. I’ll work on myself for me because it makes me feel better. There will probably be days that my feelings do get hurt by people but lately they don’t. I criticise myself. Constantly. Not because I’m depressed, but because my skin has gotten a whole lot thicker. I mean, it couldn’t really get any thinner! I agree with people’s criticism if it’s true and even have a laugh, because I’m not in denial. I’m in acceptance. 

Post photos of yourself where you look amazing. I hope you feel just as amazing about yourself. I hope it makes you feel gorgeous. But also show us your life and what makes you you! 

Be you. 

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